When it Rains
by revolution rae
Summary: She never wanted to be perfect; she just wanted to be enough. A series of 100-word drabbles about Whitney. T for later chapters.
1. Thirteen

**Disclaimer: Sarah Dessen has the rights. I'm just having fun.**

**A/N: Whitney is my favorite character in Just Listen. (Except for Owen, maybe ;]) This is a series of 100-word drabbles about her life. There are twenty altogether. I'll update a couple of times a week, probably. They're all written and edited already, so there's no chance of me losing interest and not finishing d: hehe. But anyway, r&r:D  
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At thirteen years old, I already was worried about my size. Maybe it was a natural reaction to the modeling world. I constantly tried new diets and exercise programs, but any weight I lost was gained back quickly due to my mother's watchful eye and heavy foods. I hated the feeling of the food in my throat and stomach, particularly when I had a go-see or a shoot coming up. It felt like death to be eating so much. So I kept trying diets and counted down the years till I could live on my own and lose weight properly.


	2. Turmoil

**Disclaimer: Sarah Dessen's.**

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Eventually, I couldn't remember which parts of me were real and which parts were made up to hide my disorder. There was no one I could ask about it, because I didn't want to admit that I was sick. I felt so alone and vulnerable those days. I didn't know how to fix myself, but I didn't know how to ask for help, either. So I kept trying to hide behind lies and when Kirsten saw through me, I lied more and made my parents believe she was jealous of my modeling. I always was good at pushing people away.


	3. Airport

**Disclaimer: I don't own it.**

**A/N: To YeahSureNo: **Thanks for the review, but I politely disagree. Drabbles are short. That's just how it is:) And I don't like posting more than a couple at a time. But like I said, thanks for the review, etc.

For anyone who is reading and is interested, there's some actual dialogue coming up. Have faith! Hehe:p

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I fooled my parents easily the first time I visited them. Kirsten was freaking out - she always _could _see me best. It made me so mad at her that I actually yelled, right there at the airport. It was humiliating. So my dad ran away and my mom tried to smooth it over so it disappeared. And it worked. I forced down food in front of them and they believed me. It was always like that in their house - layers upon layers of bullshit. It was partly why I liked modeling: What you see is what you get.


	4. Hospital

**Disclaimer: **Not mine.

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The first time I went to the hospital for my disorder, I was at a shoot and collapsed. It was already embarrassing, and when I found out they told my parents, I was ready to kill someone. Still, I managed to pass it off as dehydration. Kirsten didn't believe that for a second, but I didn't talk much to her anyway. Actually, I avoided her. She thought I was sick and I thought I wasn't. I was quiet to begin with, but when I was mad at someone, I used the silent treatment. And Kirsten always did push my buttons.


	5. Meeting

**Disclaimer: **It's Sarah Dessen's.

**A/N:** Dialogue! It's amazing! (And the introduction of my favorite OC ever;])

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"I know we just met and I'm drunk, but you are the most beautiful woman I've ever known."

"You _are_ drunk."

"I'm serious."

"You're a sweet liar, Alex."

"I want to be friends, Whitney."

"_Why_?"

"Because you're too magical to let go. Please be my friend."

"If you don't lose my number."

"You gave me your number?"

"Yeah."

"I'm not always forgetful."

"I'll believe that if you call me."

"I'm going to call you on Thursday, and take you out on Friday, and we'll get married and have lots of kids as beautiful as you."

"Maybe. If you call me."


	6. Younger

**Disclaima:** not mine, yo;] lol.

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People always told me I was beautiful, even when I was really little, you know, like seven years old. I didn't really get it back then, but they always smiled when they said it. So my whole life became staying beautiful for them, even though they didn't know it. Oh, I slammed doors and sulked and basically hated my life and the world, but at the same time, I wanted to be beautiful. The competition in modeling made me feel ugly, but I still loved the rush of being up there, and so I stuck with it. I needed it.


	7. Argument

**Disclaimer: **still not mine, lovies.

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"Want to go see a movie with me and my friends, Whitney?"

"I'm busy, Kirsten."

"Come on, we're going out to eat after. There'll be guys there."

"Sorry, no. I've got to get some sleep. I've got a shoot tomorrow."

"Is that what it's about? You know, it's actually okay to eat before a shoot. God, you're always so worried about your weight! It's not healthy, Whitney. I'm worried about you, you never eat anymore! I haven't told Mom out of respect for you, but I'm going to if you don't start eating again."

"Just mind your own business! Good-_bye_."


	8. Offended

**Disclaima: it's not mine, yo. (lol.)**

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"We've known each other a long time, right?"

"Less than a year, Alex."

"Close, though. Long enough to be good friends."

"Yeah."

"Long enough for you to not hate me if I say something offensive?"

"Offensive how?"

"You're not healthy."

"No, it's not long enough."

"But I am. Worried. I just never see you eat, and you're really skinny, Whitney."

"Shut up or I _will_ hate you."

"I care about you too much for that to matter."

"Just drop it."

"Okay. But remember, if this doesn't change, I'm going to have to get you help, even if you loathe me."


	9. Someday

**Disclaimer:** It's Sarah Dessen's.

**A/N:** I'm extremelyyyyy excited for her new book, I think it's called What Happened to Good-Bye? Yayyyy:D

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"So Whitney, do you want to go out with me?"

"Sorry, Alex, but no."

"Yeah, I kinda figured that."

"What d'you mean, you figured that?"

"Well, you never go out with anyone."

"Oh."

"Why _don't_ you ever date?"

"I just have to focus on my modeling."

"Don't you ever get tired of it?"

"No! I love it. You're a photographer, you should know how much we all do."

"I've never understood it, though."

"I do like you a lot, Alex. Things are just stressful right now."

"Yeah. Well, give me a call when you're ready, okay?"

"I will."

"Promise?"

"Promise."


	10. Alex

**Disclaimer:** Go Sarah Dessen:)

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Alexander Brandt had shaggy, black hair and kind blue eyes. He listened to some hard music, but his favorite style was country. He'd never admit it, though. He was taller than me by at least four inches, and I was 5'10. He was always flirting with me - and other girls - and it got annoying.

Alex wanted to be an artist, and he was definitely good enough. Once he showed me a picture of me that he painted. It was unbelievable, _he _was unbelievable, but when I told him that, he just got this sad look in his eyes.


	11. Ebb Tide

**Disclaimer:** It's still Sarah Dessen's. For some reason she won't share with me...

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"I want you to listen to this band," Alex said.

"You know I never like the music you show me," I replied.

"This, you might like. They're called Ebb Tide..."

My eyes widened. "You're kidding!"

"Why would you say that?" Alex asked, confused.

"Because I actually happen to like Ebb Tide a _lot_," I explained, grinning. "I can't believe you like them. You're about the first person I've met who does." Alex smiled back at me.

"I guess we're just meant to be. We even like the same music."

"Alex..."

"You have to admit we - "

"No, I don't."


	12. Suicide

**Disclaimer: **I own a copy of the book... does that count?

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By the time I was sixteen, I wanted to be dead. I longed for the sweet silence I knew I would finally have. I wanted to get away from the words in my head, from the mirrors and photographs. I wanted to stop existing.

I tried to slit my wrists with a razor blade once, but couldn't do it. I hated myself more than ever after that day, because it wasn't thoughts of my family or life that stopped me. No, the only reason I didn't die that day was because I couldn't stand the thought of giving up modeling.


	13. Herbs

**Disclaimerrrrr:** once again, it does not belong to me:)

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When Moira Bell first made me grow those herbs, I hated it. I thought it had nothing to do with me getting better. Of course, at the time, I just wanted to be well enough to get away from therapy and incessant scrutiny so I could go back to modeling. I didn't care about the long term; I only wanted to be the best model, the skinniest model. And Moira knew it, even if my family didn't.

Turns out she knew what she was doing after all. Over time, I started to care about my herbs. And honestly, about myself.


	14. Translator

**Disclaimer:** You guessed it, it isn't mine.

**A/N:** I got this idea from a story my cousins told me about when they were little. What do you think? (hehe... a clever way to bring in reviews(;) Speaking of, thanks to Tani Smiles for her wonderful reviews:)))

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I didn't start to speak properly until I was six. They tried to put me in special classes at school, insisting I was autistic. The truth was, I didn't feel like I needed to talk, because Kirsten talked for me. When I wanted something, I would go and get her and my parents and she would tell them what I wanted. She always knew what my gestures and faces meant. My parents used to tell their friends how cute we were and they were always getting us to demonstrate. I guess Kirsten never lost the ability to understand my silences.


	15. Storm

**Disclaimer:** as usual, it isn't mine;)

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"I'm glad you talk less now."

"And I'm glad you talk more. Although, remember when Mom used to say we balanced each other out?"

"Yeah, but she was wrong. That's like saying a tsunami and a drought balance each other out!"

"I think she had a point. Like thunder and lightning."

"Thunder and lightning don't balance each other, Kirsten. They make a storm."

"True. But now we're like... I can't think of any more weather analogies."

"That's a good thing."

"But seriously. I'm glad we're more balanced now. It makes things better, being able to talk without strangling each other."


	16. Reasons

**Disclaimer:** I own everything:DDD hehe just kidding.

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"Whitney, you look so good. How'd you lose all that extra weight?"

They said it so often. How could I resist that? How was I supposed to know they were going to turn on me? One day they told me I was more beautiful than ever; the next, they told me I needed to gain those hated pounds back, that I didn't look healthy. I couldn't believe they'd just changed their minds. They started preaching to me, but the words I'd think late at night were always, _"Whitney! You look so horrible. Why can't you lose all that extra weight?"_


	17. The Same

**Disclaimer:** It's Sarah Dessen's, not mine.

**A/N:** the elusive Annabel finally makes an appearance:)

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"Annabel? Can I talk to you?" I asked, standing at her open door. She nodded, and I entered. "What was it like to testify?"

She looked surprised. "It was hard to tell so many strangers," she told me. "Why?"

I shrugged. "I guess it's just... like, it was hard for me to talk about my disorder." It felt awkward to speak so openly. "I wanted to know if it was like that."

She paused, then asked slowly, "Did it feel like you would implode if you didn't tell, but you just... couldn't?"

I hesitated. "Yeah."

"Then it felt the same."


	18. Confession

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing. NOTHING!

**A/N:** I confess, I'm spreading these last few chapters out a bit more... there's only twenty, and I'm already missing this story:p I'm considering doing another series after this one, but on a different character. Would anyone be interested in that? If so, what character? I was thinking Kirsten, or maybe Mallory. Feedback:)

**A/N 2:** hehe. a sneaky way to get you to review, eh? ;)

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"You're in _love_?" Kirsten gasped. I glared and shushed her. She grinned. "What's he look like? What's his name?"

I felt a smile spread across my features. "His name is Alex Brandt. He has the most beautiful blue eyes," I said softly. "And he has this shaggy black hair. And Kirsten, he is _so _funny, and sweet to me."

"Does he know how you feel?"

I looked down. "I haven't talked to him since, you know."

She made a sympathetic noise. "You should call him."

I frowned. "He might not want me to."

"But maybe he will. Call him, Whitney."


	19. Phone

**disclaimer: **not mine.

**a/n:** had to have an "aww" chapter, didn't i? :) sorry for the long wait between updates. fanfic wouldn't let me edit. still won't let me update harry potter stories -.-'

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I didn't know if he'd want to hear from me. But in a long-ago conversation, I'd promised to call him when I was better.

"Come on, Whitney, just call him. Worst case scenario, he's got a girlfriend. No, a wife," I muttered to myself, chuckling nervously. He was a flirt and women loved him in general. I was terrified he'd given me up when I left.

Working up my courage, I opened my phone, scrolled through my contacts, and called. He picked up after two rings.

"Hello?" His voice, deep and smooth, still made my heart flip.

"Alex? It's Whitney."


	20. Beautiful

**disclaimer:** not mine

**a/n:** final chapter:( i've decided who the next set will be on. i _was_ planning on writing emily, but i accidentally wrote about sophie instead. and all of a sudden i got all this inspiration for it! i'll post the first chapter today. so review:)

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In high school, my friends would talk about their significant others. I dated sometimes, but I never understood the near-obsession they'd call love.

After I left for New York and met Alex, I realized what they meant. I fell in love, and I wanted to tell him. But how could I? I was fat, I was ugly.

When I finally returned to New York after everything, he was at the airport, waiting for me. It was a fairy-tale: We ran to meet each other, he swept me into his arms, and we shared an ardent first kiss.

It was beautiful.


End file.
